Category Archives: Drama free parenting

Time for New Year’s Resolutions what are some of yours?

It is new year already – and with the new year there have been tons of new year resolution posts for moms, dads and every one else. I have been going through them as I usually don’t make resolution due to it being either unrealistic or extremely difficult to achieve – so I was looking for a list, that makes sense to me and is achievable. And woila, I have found one perfect list – it suits my requirements, and it is a bit open ended so you have room to make adjustments based on your setup and requirements but in general covers everything that you would want to achieve this new year. So here is my favorite New Year Resolution’s List:

Read the original story HERE.

New Year Resolution

New Year Resolution Humor

This year is going to be different. In the years gone by, you may have made a lot of resolutions. Some you may have kept, but more than likely you did not follow through with most of them. As you have gotten older, wiser, and busier, you may find yourself not wanting to make the same mistakes with your New Year’s resolutions this year. In fact, you may be thinking of skipping the tradition all together. This year, however, is the perfect time for you to make some “new” New Year’s resolutions. Instead of making your already busy life busier or pressuring yourself to be the perfect wife and mother, why not change your thinking and your life with some easy resolutions for the super mom. Yes super mom –— that’s you!

Easy New Year’s Resolutions to Simplify Your Life

This year I resolve to create an easy daily routine I can live with.

You may manage to get the kids fed, dressed and ready for the day without having a great daily routine but you may find the morning chaos leaves you feeling frazzled and exhausted. Getting yourself and your kids into an easy daily routine will not only simplify your life but it will cut down on arguments, stress and leave you feeling better about yourself. Here is an example of a very easy daily routine that any busy mom can do. Morning: make your bed, wipe down the bathroom, and take something out for dinner. Evening: get everyone’s clothes, shoes, etc. set out for the next day, give the kids a bath, brush teeth, and put them to bed, and make sure the kitchen is clean before bed time.

For me to achieve this easy routine, I need to know what am I making for dinner and need to have just enough groceries for that , I need to make sure I have enough wipes and diapers – best thing to do – Amazon Prime, Amazon Mom and Subscribe and Save are my favorites. Target is my goto grocery place to make sure I have everything I need.

 

This year I resolve to get fit and healthy the easy way.

Last year you may have tried the membership to the gym or maybe purchased a treadmill or piece of exercise equipment for yourself. Of course, you would love to have time for going to the gym or getting in a great workout at home. You want this year to be different right? Well there is no reason you can’t get fit and healthy without all the fuss. Resolve to start doing mini-workouts. Try to fit in a mini-workout or two as often as you can. Some ideas for mini-workouts are dancing with the kids, tightening your stomach muscles on your drive to work, or a walk after dinner. You can also do some mini strength training workouts with hand weights or using your body for resistance. Even doing a light fifteen minute workout a few times a week will help you get in shape and stay healthy. You don’t have to make exercise a chore. Just fit in some type of exercise into your daily routine and keep it simple

I try to achieve this by doing some light weight training. I use 3 lbs weight – the goal here is to stay fit, if you loose some weight doing so that is great but end goal is not to loose weight – try these great Weights from Amazon to do may be 15 minutes work out daily -

This year I resolve to eat more meals at home.

If you are a busy mom you probably end up eating out more often than you would like. This is not the most healthy way to eat and you may be adding to some of your financial stress by eating out all the time. This year resolve to make cooking easier. Now this may go against some of the frugal living tips you may have heard but sometimes spending less isn’t really costing you less. When you go grocery shopping, think about what is convenient and easy for you. You may end up paying a little more for groceries by buying meals that are easier to prepare, but this is still cheaper than eating out. What a lot of busy moms tries to do is to go out and buy all the right foods for a healthy meal but then they get so busy they don’t actually cook the healthy meals. The food spoils, or ends up not being used in the meal as planned, and then what, you didn’t save money or eat healthier. So this year resolve to make your cooking easier. Find several easy recipes that you like and that are easy to cook and shop for meals that are convenient for your busy life.

This goes hand in hand with easy daily routine – may be try Amazon Fresh
if you don’t get enough time to shop for home cooked meals.

This year I resolve to make better decisions with my money.

You may be tempted to make this year’s New Year’s resolution to get out of debt. You are probably already working toward this goal, and this year, your resolutions are going to be easy ones. Ones you can keep. Getting out of debt is a big goal and it isn’t something you can necessarily do quickly. You didn’t get into debt overnight so getting out of it may just take some time. This year, though, you can make some changes that will help you from diving deeper into debt and help you to start preparing for a better life in the future. Instead of focusing on getting out of debt commit this year focusing on not creating more debt.

My thinking is spend your money wisely and every point until now is adding up – if you cook at home less wastage of food and less money on eating out, same way working out at home means less money spent for gym membership that is not being used…

This year I resolve to stop over-scheduling.

In your attempt to be a great mom, you take your kids to soccer, dance, gymnastics, go to the parent-teacher meetings, and juggle all the responsibilities that you have at your job. That is enough to make anybody cranky and stressed out. At the end of the day, although you worked hard all day, you may feel like nothing was accomplished. You didn’t have time to sit down all day, yet you got nothing done around the house, dinner was served out of a paper bag, and your kids barely had time to tell you about their day. Take this year to commit to spending more time with your family and say no to over-scheduling.

This is the most important one for me – we tend to over schedule for our kids, I have decided only 2 activities at a time for my kids – that gives the kids a chance to enjoy what they are doing rather than it being a burden. We are switching swimming out for ice skating so my older one would only have to worry about 2 classes – ballet and ice skating.!!

It is almost the last week before the Christmas break, are you ready with gifts for your kid’s teachers?

What is the best christmas gift for your kid’s teacher or a day care provider?? I have often seen parents have this question. Over the period of time, I have developed my thought process on this. But I was introduced to a new concept this year when my daughter started a new school. Here we have a little teacher’s survey that we do at the beginning of the school year where the teachers tell you about their favorite things – so when it is time to get them something you know what is the best option available. Check with your class parents may be you already have such list available as I have seen a few schools using that. In her class we pull funds together and get her a gift card for her favorite place which is a great idea!

Other than that anything person home made, hand made is alway appreciated. If you have multiple teachers gift cards from Starbucks – you can never go wrong with it. But my favorite option has always been amazon gift cards. What ever amount you need their gift cards start as low as $10 and comes with a beautiful card or gift box if you are purchasing higher amount cards! Amazon has been my goto gift card for a while now – as they can buy anything they want from the comfort of their home. And with Prime membership gift cards arrive in as little as one day! Awesome!! And of course if it is a last minute thing – go for eGift card comes with beautiful design you can either email it or just print it out!!

If you haven’t already bought something and are interested in getting Amazon gift cards check out the following link – Gift Cards

 


Best Deal of the Week – Are you ready for Cyber Monday

Best deal of the week comes from Amazon.com – A special Cyber Monday deal just for today: 50% off on select Hasbro Toys!!

Access the deal HERE.

One additional deal this week: Another great Cyber Monday deal for the young photographers – 60% off on select digital cameras for kids.

Access the deal HERE.

Best deal of the week –

Best deal of the week – continuing in the spirit of Holiday shopping, we will be highlighting great black Friday Week Deals from Amazon. Today’s pick,

Shop great deals on dolls, action figures, games, preschool toys and gifts for boys and girls. – Black Friday Deals Week: Big Savings, No Waiting….Hurry up as gifts are selling fast and even wait list is getting full:

What ever happened to the pure park fun!!

I am not sure if this is true for every one or not, but in our case – this has happened. When my older one was little we used to go to the park very often. We had visited all the parks around our area, and had our favorite thing to do at each park!! But as my older one started the pre-school and TK, she also started activities – like ballet, swimming, ice skating and that just meant reduced number of park visits!! Fair you will think – as she might not be interested in going to the park anyways…. or so you would think! But wait I do have a little one who is a perfect age for park and a month or so ago I realized, we can count on our fingers how many times she has been to the park! Well she had been to the park almost the same number of times as she had been to the theme park!! Which of course were very few!! So one of the weekend, I asked my husband to make sure that they get a visit to park!! Thank god for living in SoCal – parks are still accessible.

park fun

Look at those smiles!! Park is awesome!!

And guess what, that was one of the best days for the girls!! The pure joy of running around, trying different things – when we used to go with my older one she would have things like monkey bar that she would try but won’t be able to finish and with each new visit she would get bette… Ah what sense of pride she used to get from that… I don’t want my little one to miss out on that… I know it is extremely difficult with all the added classes and work schedule to put park on the list but I do want to make sure that is still available for them!! It is the no agenda fun!

I don’t know how many of you see the park visits the way I do, but for me it is the kids’ fantasy land. I have seen my daughter and her friends pretending they are pirates and are trying to get the treasure, or they are super heroes and are trying to save the treasure… they build their own obstacle course with monkey bars and tight rope walking…. They set their own limits and push them selves through it… It is pure fun for them – they build, they conquer and they progress on their own terms…. And when they achieve a goal they had been working on for so long – they get an amazing pride – I still remember my older one’s expression when she went through the monkey bar all by her self the first time. Or when she could do the tight rope walking or came down the pole all by her self…..she was beyond happy… as if she knew if she can do this…. she can do anything!! I want my little one to experience same sense of accomplishment and pride!! So here is to squeezing at least one park visit a week!!

Don’t forget to let me know, what does a park visit mean to your toddler, preschooler or even older kid!! At this age even I enjoy coming down a twisty slide or taking a big jump on the swing!!

 

“Trick or Treat”: Halloween – a great festival to know your neighborhood!!

It is funny how sometimes things just work out great – without you trying anything special!! We have been leaving in this neighborhood for more than 6 years now, my older daughter just turned 5 and we have never been trick or treating in our neighborhood up until now!! This year was exception – we went trick or treating in our neighborhood and we loved it!! Halloween is my older one’s favorite festival – she loves dressing up and going trick or treating, so we always made sure we get that chance – even when we were leaving for India the very next day last year!! But for what ever reason we always went to a mall for trick or treating either near by or a little far to one of our favorite mall! Except for the very first year when we went to a friends house and their neighborhood! With both of us working full time most of the time when we used to hit the mall for trick or treating almost all the stores were out of candies, and the kids would be a little sad!! A couple of years ago, when I was pregnant with my little one, just my husband went with my older one to the mall for trick or treating – we had a lot of trick or treaters come to our house and that is when I thought it might be a good idea to go trick or treating in our own neighborhood. Unfortunately last year we could not do it as my little one was just over 9 months and we thought it would be more comfortable for her if we went to the mall – come to think of it we should have given our neighborhood a chance!

Trick or Treat

Trick or Treat!!

Cut to this year – we had so much going on, we were just getting done with a 2 months renovation on our home – had just moved back in – still boxes all around and covered floors. I even went for dress shopping the very last day, lucky I found what my older one wanted – so we were skeptical if we would at all be going out trick or treating. Also my little one already went trick or treating in our neighborhood with her friends when she went to the day care that day!! So we were pretty much thinking we might not go if my older one did not insist!! But as I mentioned earlier it being her favorite holiday she absolutely wanted to go! So we decided to go out for dinner and then once we come back just to go to few houses around our neighborhood. Well guess what, while we were eating our dinner we ran into one of her friends and just like that we ended up making plans for trick or treating together as soon as we were done with dinner!! Guess what I saw a completely different personality of my older one that day, she was very excited to go trick or treating with her little sister and her friend. She went to almost 30 houses and at every place she talked with the people handing out candies, she would talk about her friend, her sister how old she is when she will be turning 2 – what candies she wanted and so on!! I also got to meet with some wonderful neighbors, and I am sure next year when we go around again they will for sure remember my girls!! I literally had to pull my girls out from most of the houses, they kept on talking so much!! Of course we ran into one of those spooky houses where the owners were completely dressed up and my girls got a little scared, which made the whole experience even more fun for them!! Next year for sure in our neighborhood!! It was so much fun to watch my little one say “Trick or Treat” and “Happy Halloween” – and keep on asking for more candies!! We got so much candies that we had to keep on emptying their buckets!! We went to the house who grew their own pumpkins and carved them!! And because my older one had to pumpkin patch just recently she talked with her at length about how to grow pumpkin!! Oh what a fun evening – no wonder it is my older one’s favorite holiday!! I can now totally see why!!

How was your “Halloween” ?? Did you have as much fun trick or treating as your kids?? What are your favorite places to go “Trick or treating”?? Please share your ideas in our comments section!!

My experiences in getting my kids sleep in their own room

There are so many different theories and methods of getting the kids to sleep on their own and in their room. I have seen a lot of parents struggling with that. Luckily for me it has worked out pretty well – here I would love to share my experiences on how I got started on it and what were the struggles I faced. My older one at night had always been sleeping in the crib from day 1. Of course she will sleep in my lap and then I would put her in the crib – she would wake for mid night feeding and sleep while feeding and she went back in the crib – she never had a lot of issue falling asleep and even right now she is a very sound sleeper. I started to put her in the crib before she slept when she was around 6 months old. I had a little aquarium with soothing music and mild lights on her crib. I would put her in the crib and start that and she would fall asleep while looking at it. So I thought we were now ready to move the crib out of our bedroom to her room – she had already started sleeping through the night and it would be perfect for her to now sleep in her own room. But there was one little problem – the crib was not big enough for her – she had a habit of moving around in her bed and as soon as she became horizontal in her crib she would wake up. She was too young to be put in a toddler bed at that time. So we decided to put her on a queen mattress on the floor – so I am not worried about her falling down. Also one of the side of the mattresses we put right next to the wall – and this worked like a charm. She started sleeping in her own room – through the night! Of course I had to lie down next to her for a little while until she was already sleeping. It was working alright as long as she was falling asleep quickly. But as she grew up she was taking a longer time to sleep sometimes more than an hour. This is when I decided she needs to sleep on her own, so one day I told her I am going to go do fold the laundry and come back. So I went out side and went back after a while – she was still awake, I told her that there is another load and I need to fold them. I will come back after that and sure enough the next time I went back she was in deep sleep. It had worked!! So the next day I made a big deal of how proud I was that she slept on her own and that we were going to do that again as she was a big girl now – and she was all excited about it. And we just kept on following that routine. Of course there would still be nights every now and then when she would have trouble sleeping but they were very few!! And she loved the independence that came with sleeping on her own. We went and bought a beautiful night lamp for her room which she helped in selecting and as long as she had that on in her room she was fine sleeping on her own. Sometimes we will hear her sing beautiful songs in her room while she falls asleep – and the next day she would wake up all bright and happy!!

kids sleeping habits

Sleeping on her own in her room!!

Here is what I learned in this process:

1. If your kids are suddenly waking up in the middle of the night first thing you want to do is figure out why – in this case she was uncomfortable in the crib and not because she was sleeping in her own room she was waking up. Glad we figured that out because as soon as we solved it – she started sleeping through the night in her own room.

2. If in this process they do wake up in the middle of the night go to their room to console them and get them back to sleep – this way they form a habit of sleeping in their room.

3. Let them choose what makes them feel comfortable sleeping through the night. In our case it was a lamp that she helped us choose – it could be cuddly, a light up pillow or a blanket – and let them enjoy the fact that they chose it!!

4. Don’t make a fuss about sleeping on their own until they have already done it once or twice – that takes the pressure off of them. And once they have done so – let them know how proud you are about it and see if they can do it again. But remember if they can not do it right away again – just repeat the process of telling them you will be back after finishing some work – and make sure you go back and check on them.

5. The sooner you get them in the habit the better!!

6. I did it at least 3 months before my second one was due – that way she would not feel that due to the arrival of her sister she had to start sleeping on her own.

This is how we worked with my older one. My little one had a whole different sleeping pattern and it was a whole different story with her.

Today’s blogpick -Parent to Parent: When Play Dates Go Wrong

I am sure you have been in this situation before, or may be you will be sometime in the future. Here is an article from msn.com that shares the experience when a playdate goes wrong and how she handled it. Please share your experiences and tactics you follow when play dates go wrong in our comments section!!

play dates go wrong

When play dates go wrong!

Sometimes, your child has a friend over, and things don’t go well.

That happened at our house recently. For the first hour of the visit, I heard heated voices, and finally, my child reported that the friends just could not get along. We sat for a while, working to come up with something they could both enjoy (besides “baking and frosting cookies,” but nice try), and eventually we did, but it was still an afternoon marked by constant tussles and not much fun.

When I dropped the friend off, my fellow mother came out onto the driveway. “How’d it go?”

I had been thinking about that moment the whole ride over. Should I say something? What? I didn’t want to damage the children’s friendship, which I perceived as slightly battered but certainly not broken. And I didn’t want to damage our friendship, either.

When things go wrong between your child and another on your watch, is it your job to give the other parent the play-by-play? Silence is generally golden in this instance, Andrea Nair, psychotherapist and parenting educator, said. “I don’t talk to the other parent unless it was something I really couldn’t handle, or unless it’s at the point where I”m going to stop inviting the child over.” Even then, she said, if the relationship isn’t close, the best tactic may be just to say, “Our children aren’t really getting along any more.” These are conversations that can too easily go wrong, as parents get defensive.

If you do need to talk to the other parent, Ms. Nair suggests a neutral, problem-solving approach: “Here’s what happened today, here’s how I handled it. Is that O.K. with you?” Or: “Our kids seem to be having trouble together. Can we come up with something to try next time?”

In this case, I decided to put it out there — not because we hadn’t handled it, or even because it had been that bad, but because my friend had asked, on several other occasions, if I would please tell her if there were problems. Because I knew (after several years’ acquaintance) that she meant it. And because I have a child who has more than once been returned from a friend’s house by a fellow parent with a shell-shocked expression — and never asked over again. I’d rather know (and in truth, I already know, but specifics can help), and I suspected my friend felt the same way.

Fortunately, I was right. We had a good laugh over the whole thing, and parted with some good strategies on both sides. But I still had to take a deep breath before plunging into that conversation.

That’s probably a good thing. Sometimes it’s tempting for parents to hash over every incident between friends, and sometimes our motives are not so clear. If what you’re saying isn’t “I really don’t know what to do, and I’d like our children to stay friends,” then it might come across as “do you know what a jerk your child can be?” or worse, “why haven’t you taught your kid better?” And if you’re not really looking for solutions, that might really be what you’re saying. That’s not a conversation that is ever going to end well.

The best practice? Have these conversations only when it would be more difficult, in the long run, if you didn’t have them. When that’s the case, don’t avoid the conversation or the other family. It may be awkward at first, Ms. Nair said, “but you’ll probably recover.” If we try to keep a spirit of collaboration alive, we dramatically increase the odds that both friendships will survive as well.

Read the original story HERE.

Today’s blog – my experience on weaning the baby off bottle and some tips and tricks!!

Today, I would like to share my experience on weaning my babies off bottle – as it seems really hard for some babies, and some baby just are able to adjust without much fuss!! And I have had both the experiences…. As it was a smooth sailing with my older one, but with my little one it was a bit trickier!!

weaning-bottle

Weaning from bottle is best around 12 months for most kids!

As a first time mom, I never thought about what is the best time for weaning the baby off the bottle – but after both my experiences I think the best time to wean the baby off is somewhere around his/her first birthday!! My older one was weaned at the age of 14 months, and my little one around 13 months!! With my first one I didn’t start to think about when should I wean her off, but after she had a series of ear infections, my pediatrician suggested I should try to wean her off the bottle as that would help her get less number of ear infections. And so I took the advice, and told her that I lost all of her bottles and there are no more bottles left so she needs to start drinking from a cup like a big girl!!! My older one was attached to milk more than the bottle, but even then she did not drink any milk for 24 hours -she wasn’t big on eating either so that night she couldn’t sleep either – but then she ate a little and slept. The next day evening – I had cup full of milk sitting on the table for her cousin – and she saw that and she wanted to have milk so badly she just picked up the cup and drank it all – all by her self – no issues!! And from that day onwards she started drinking milk from the cup like adults. Though later after a month or so we switched her to a straw cup with the cover – so that we can just giver her the cup in her hand and she can finish it up without constant attention from us!! It was pretty easy with her and at that time I realized a few things:

1. 12 months is the ideal age for weaning the baby off the bottle.

2. When you are trying to wean the baby off the bottle, make sure he/she understands there are no more bottles and if they want to drink milk they will have to try the cup. Either you have them throw in the trash, or tell them that another little baby needs them more than them… but make sure it is completely out of sight!!

3. There are going to be some rough days and nights so make sure you and baby both are ready for it. Don’t try to do this when you are tires or the baby is sick or going through any changes!

4. Offer cup at every time you would offer the baby milk, but don’t force it. We don’t want them to start disliking the cups. Offer the milk in a cup first and see if they would like to try – reiterate the reason why there are no bottles but that is it – if they still don’t want it just offer them some snacks so that they are not hungry. They will come around!

5. The best replacement that has worked for me at this stage is the straw cup but if your baby is already drinking water from a sippy cup you can always give them milk in that!

6. A great suggestion from my pediatrician was if around the same time you are introducing whole milk, just give the whole milk in sippy cup – that way the baby thinks this new thing comes in a different cup and will get used to it sooner.

7. Try the boxes with straw as replacement, may be the packaging is attractive enough for them to give it a try. Or may be try some attractive cups with their favorite characters!!

So this was my experience with my older one, three years later, I was in the same boat with my littler one. Here milk intake was very high and she used to eat very little food – time to wean her off the bottle!! This time around I had thought it is going to be a piece of cake, as it was pretty simple with my older one!! Guess what, every kid is different and with my little one it took a while for me to get her to drink milk without the bottle!! I did the same thing with her, one fine day I told her there are no more bottles and she would have to drink milk from a cup. She wanted to check every place she thought there could be a bottle but she did not find any… But she absolutely refused to drink milk or water from any kind of cup or sippy cup – I must have bought almost all different types of sippy cups available on market within the next 48 hours – nothing worked!! The first night was extremely rough – as she was attached to bottle and not to milk she just wouldn’t want to drink from a cup. She ate well for her first meal but after that she refused to eat or drink. Within the next 48-72 hours I kept on thinking of going back to bottle but held my urge. The first night she just did not sleep but in the middle of night she became so hungry she ate some yogurt and crackers!! It was a big relief as then I discovered if she does not drink milk I can at least try to substitute it with yogurt!! After a couple of  days, one morning we made a milk, banana smoothie and tried to offer her with spoon, she liked it and had some – may be a few sips!! The first success in giving her milk!! Then we did the same thing – three times a day… every time she drank a little more – but remember this was all with a spoon!! Then after a few days we tried to offer her the same thing with a straw cup – again she probably would drink half a cup or so… And every time we offer her she would drink a little more than before – it took us almost a month to get her to drink full cup of flavored milk twice a day!! We had tried banana, strawberry and chocolate!! And chocolate seemed to work the best!! And within a couple of months she was drinking plain milk from a straw cup!! The task that we achieved with my older one in 2 days took almost 2 months to complete with my little one!! I learned some new things:

1. If they don’t drink milk at all – offer them alternative dairy options – smoothies, yogurt, cheese so you don’t have to worry about calcium intake!!

2. Don’t go back to bottle even if it takes a long time. But that means you have to have a lot of patience!

3. If they don’t drink plain milk, try to mix it with some fruits like banana, strawberry flavor it with some chocolate or strawberry powder – and if you are worried about them forming a habit – once they start drinking the milk you can gradually reduce the flavoring and it would be simple to get them away from that habit!!

4. It is normal for kids not to drink any milk while they are in this transition period. As I did not have this experience with my older one I was very much worried, so I talked to my pediatrician and she said as long as she is taking calcium in a different form and is happy and healthy I should not worry about her milk intake! She will come around!

And now both my daughters enjoy their milk and savor it – my little one can’t go a day without milk – which is very surprising looking at her weaning process!!

Some people have had better success on gradually switching from bottle to cup by switching one bottle at a time. But here I am just sharing my experiences – and both the times I have done it cold turkey and it has worked. Check this article for the gradual bottle weaning tips and tricks!

How was your journey in weaning your baby off the bottle – do you have some interesting tips or tricks? Feel free to share it with us in our comments section!!

Blogpick – 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Yell At Your Children

Continuing in the series of Drama Free Parenting – we did go over how to reconnect with your kids after you have had a bad parenting moment, here is a great article on how to avoid those moments!! 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Yell At Your Children! – A great read, do share your thoughts in the comments section!!

5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Yell At Your Children

From: http://www.abundantmama.com/
Two weeks ago, I found myself in a place of fury.

My daughter was in a phase of meanness.

Mean doesn’t work for me.

Mistakes, yes, but mean takes a lot of patience to deal with peacefully, especially when a child does not see the error in her ways or take responsibility.

But yelling isn’t the answer.

And starting a yelling habit that continues isn’t the answer either.

Why, though?

My girl and I have been around and around on just about every topic. She is a smart, witty child who really doesn’t tolerate much. I really love that about her — while also pulling my hair out most days.

Instead of yelling, though, I have found that what works best is patience and love.

I just have to remember that when a tough moment pops up.

In the heat of the moment, you want to act. You want to solve the problem right NOW. If you wait, it will be too late, right? That feeling of urgency, though, is when you’re most likely to yell at your children.

But that sense of urgency is actually sending us into a vicious cycle of more yelling and not actually solving the problem.

The very last thing we should be doing is rushing to make a point.

When we remain calm, rational and peaceful, we are more consistent and effective, which is what our children need more than anything.

So by waiting to respond and by taking a great big peaceful pause  we are actually showing our children what it means to think first before acting (or speaking).

So, out of frustration with not knowing how to better handle these difficult conversations with my daughter, I came up with a list of questions to ask myself BEFORE I act on any situation or respond in any heated moment. What happened, I learned quickly, is that my non-reaction diffused the situation almost immediately compared to my quick on-it-like-lightning approach. Turns out, time and space to a big problem makes it a little problem.

Who knew?

I’m sharing the questions I ask myself with you.

These questions can help you take a time out to think before you yell at your children just to make a very loud point that you’re upset with their actions.

Recite these questions in you head right there in the moment — before you yell at your children. These questions might help you be that peaceful family you want to be. Get your pen and paper ready.

5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Yell

5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Yell At Your Children:

What is most important right now?

This question is by far my go-to question for just about everything but in a challenging moment with kids it almost always grounds me and centers me to make a more rational decision. Ask yourself what your family needs most right now.

Is this really a big deal?

Ouch. This question hurts, right? Because when we stop to really think about some of the infractions that happen in the grande scheme of life … they really are pretty small and inconsequential. This question helps put it all into perspective. Usually, the act itself is not at all the big deal but the fear we hold about it is definitely a big deal — and also totally fabricated in our minds. Ask yourself if this will matter in a week or a month.

Can they work this out on their own?

So often the conflicts in a home are around the dynamics between two or more children who are mid-squabble. At our house there are about 3.5 arguments a day. Asking this question before jumping to conclusions has helped leave the mom referee hat off for a while. Even if it’s not a sibling fight, a child is often more capable of working out their own conflicts on their own, with love and patience rather than being forced. Ask yourself how your role would benefit the situation, if at all.

What do I want my child to do differently?

As soon as I started stressing the positive actions I wanted my daughter to demonstrate, she responded with more interest than she had to any punishment. Turns out, she just needed to know what was the right thing to do. It can be confusing to be a child with so many rules and expectations. Sometimes we just have to say what we need to happen differently and wait for them to do it. Ask yourself what actions do I want my child to take to avoid this in the future.

How can I make this situation right?

I write so much about choosing kindness because I have witnessed so much unkind parenting in my life. And this question really takes you to the heart of the matter. When we put ourselves in our child’s position — no matter their age — we step into life as they see it. That’s when we begin the problem-solving role of healer and nurturer rather than the commander-in-chief. Ask yourself what can I do to bring a peaceful resolution to this problem.

Read the original story HERE.